Notes On Napkins...: Loneliness, Onions and Babies

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Loneliness, Onions and Babies

Oh my...

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/my_constituents_care_way_more?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

K got off work late last week (Friday 3:00am and he was supposed to be home Wednesday afternoon). He was home a whole 5 days and got called back offshore a week early. So he will be gone three weeks this time. I miss him terribly and sometimes hate his job but I keep telling myself to think of the positives... (more money, better sex, appreciating each other more, blah, blah, BLAH) *sigh* It hasn't worked yet. :o(

On another topic.... I really want a baby... so bad some days I could cry. It's something I don't talk about in great detail with people because I'm afraid that's exactly what I'd do. And I hate crying in front of people. So much so that at funeral's I sit in the back so that if I do start crying I can leave and go to the restroom. I see friends' baby pictures and hear all of their wonderful kiddo stories, and I crave it. I've been told I can't have a baby but I refuse to give up trying (plus trying is fun ;o)). Some days, I think I'm too old to be trying to have a baby and others I think, so what! I feel like I'm being left out of this amazing, special, club that mothers belong to and I want to join dammit! Ugh... so frustrating. On top of that, I'm scared to talk to K about this. His daughter is almost grown now, he is 11 years older than I am and I don't even know if he would want another child. This is something I should know right? I just can't get up the courage to ask him about it. I've hinted at it and he hasn't shot the idea down, but how do I know for sure if he is really open to it unless I come right out and ask him? We aren't married. Yet. But at this point, I'm all for doing things ass backwards and getting pregnant first. I used to dream of getting married, waiting two years to have my first child and then having another 2 years later. Forget that man! Just give me a baby now please. Do I sound crazy? Hmmmm... I think I just might. ;o)

Anyway... I just needed to get that out. Back to work. :o)

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More "About Me"

~ I ADORE pin-up girls and pin-up girl art (Gil Elvgren is my fave artist). I love the female form in general.

~ Contrary to what others may think, I do believe in a higher power and pray everyday.

~ I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt despite what others may say about them.... until I find out otherwise from personal experience. "Believe nothing no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." ~ Buddha

~ I cringe when I hear people incessantly use the "F" word in daily conversation, especially in front of children. I think it makes them sound trashy. Using it in the bedroom is an exception however...

~ I like my man to be ultra manly... tall, strong, truck driving, gun shooting, Harley riding, facial hair, protective, take control in bed kind of manly.

~ I got my first tattoo with my mother. We have almost identical tattoos on our ankles.

~ I have a rather large tattoo on my right thigh that I got 11 years ago and never went back to get finished.

~ I would like to get a tattoo of a pin-up girl on the back of my left thigh but I think I'm getting too old for that. :0(

~ I believe that you can't help who you fall in love with whether they be male, female, black, white or purple polka dotted.... and I don't believe that ANY kind of love is a sin unless it exploits or harms someone. FYI... the bible also said that children who talked back to their parents should be stoned...

~ I am a PROUD Obama supporter... and no celebrity told me to vote for him. I could care less which celebrity voted for who.

~ Despite my rather liberal views, what I want most in my life is to be married, have a child and to be a stay at home mom and take care of my family.

~ I'm a sucker for I'm sorry. I forgive really easily, sometimes to my detriment, but I'm also proud of this quality in myself. On the other hand, if you DON'T say you're sorry, I've been known to hold a grudge. This is something I am NOT proud of and would like to change. I'm also usually the first one to SAY I'm sorry when I'm in conflict with someone. Sometimes when I don't even mean it, just to keep the peace. Yes, I know that's bad.

~ I hate it when people make fun of other people JUST to be vicious or catty. Making fun of someone for something they can't help (a disability, social status-- whatever that is, looks, etc.)is cruel and heartless. On the other hand, some people are just asking for it.... seriously guys and gals, pull your pants up.

~ I think that taking it upon yourself to judge how somebody else is living their life is wrong and "God" is looking down on you and shaking his head because you stole his job.

~ I am a wanderer. I inherited my wanderlust from my father and sometimes I'm scared that I will never be complacent to settle down anywhere!

~ I love to cook and hope to have my own gourmet foods/coffee shop someday and cater out of it.

~ I started smoking at 15 to piss my mother off and ended up smoking regularly for 10 years.... dumbest thing I ever did.

~ I was known as "the flying nun" in junior high and high school because I went to church all the time and was a good girl. Then when I turned 21 I raised hell for 5 years to get it all out of my system. I was also known as Julio Big Jugs. I've since had my big jugs chopped off.

~ I'm very sensitive and have been known to cry at Hallmark commercials.

~ I have a really hard time saying I love you (aside from friends and family) and it took me 8 months to tell my boyfriend that I love him, even though I loved him for quite some time before that.

~ Christmas is my favorite holiday... some might even say I'm OBSESSED with it. ;0)

~ I'll spend money I don't have on gifts for other people but I rarely buy anything for myself.

~ Because of the work I do it really bothers me when people say things are "retarded".

What to Expect from My Blog

~ I write what I want when I want.

~ Sometimes I like to rant. I'm allowed to. It's MY blog.

~ I comment if I feel I have something relevent to say.

~ Likewise, I don't expect people to comment on my blog constantly.

~ I do have a very liberal view toward social and political issues and may from time to time (i.e. a whole lot) post something that reflects that. If you can't handle that you may want to stop reading now.

~ Be forewarned: I have been known to take a hiatus every once in a while (this isn't my first blog :0)) so if you like people who post on a daily basis I'm probably not your gal.

~ I don't swear a whole lot but profanity may slip out every now and then if I'm really hot and bothered about something.

~ I like sex. DUH. That being the case, expect to hear about it every once in a while.

~ I try to write intelligently (i.e. grammatically correct, correct punctuation and spelling) but I am by no means a grammar nazi. One, because really, it's an internet blog, who cares. And two, because I'm sure I'll make plenty mistakes myself. :0)

~ I like to use smiley faces. :0) :0) :0)

Favorite Quotes

~"God wants spiritual fruits... not religious nuts." ~ Unknown

~"I'd rather drink the Kool-Aid than tea laced with arcenic." ~ Me

~"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." ~Lynn Lavner

~"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a could-have-been by far; because a could-have been has never been, but a has was once an are." ~ Milton Berle

~ "Maybe you don't like your job, maybe you didn't get enough sleep. Well, nobody likes their job,nobody got enough sleep. Maybe you just had the worst day of your life but, you know, there's no escape and there's no excuse... so just suck up, suck up and be nice." ~ Ani DiFranco

~ "I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a could-have-been by far; because a could-have been has never been, but a has was once an are." ~ Milton Berle

~ "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

~ "If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart... I’ll always be with you." ~ Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

~ "Without forgiveness life is governed by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation." ~ Roberto Assagioli

~ "'Cause I'm not going to pretend that I don't pick my nose... That's just the way it is my friend. That's just the way it goes. This is who I am, what I do, and what I say. If you like it, let it be. If you don't, please do the same. I fight with love, and I laugh with rage. You gotta live light enough to see the humor, and long enough to see some change." ~ Ani DiFranco